Paul Blart Mall Cop

The Top Five Stupid Criminals of 2009:

I’ve been writing about stupid criminals for just over a year but I’ve dealt with the morons for over eight as a retail Loss Prevention manager (call me Rent-A-Cop or Paul Blart Mall Cop if you want – I’ve been called worse).   While trying to prevent theft in the retail setting -  shoplifters and stupid employees are the focus of people like myself.  But as you could imagine, that gets boring at times and leads to other hobbies – like collecting stories, videos, and mugshots of stupid criminals.

Since it’s the end of the year, I’ll do what every lame news organization is doing and do a “Best Of 2009″.  Most do a “Top Ten” of whatever but I’ll make it easier on your eyes and give you my top five.  Since I’m lazy, I didn’t put these in any order (one story better than another) – so you decide your favorite.  Here we go:

#5

The Naked Burglar – Larry Ticey

Texas is a big place – big enough for its fair share of stupid criminals. Take this story from Tyler, Texas for example:

When a man returned to his home this past Sunday afternoon, he noticed that his front door had been kicked in. He quickly called the police and when officers arrived they searched the house and quickly located the moron.

Officers first discovered a pile of clothes on the floor and then a very naked Larry Ticey in the bathroom taking a bath. After a short struggle with the police (like wrestling a greased pig), Ticey was arrested and booked into the Smith County Jail. He was jailed on a criminal trespass charge which is punishable for up to one year in prison.

#4

Calvin Hoover – Called 911 Because His Marijuana Was Stolen

21-year-old Calvin Hoover of Salem, Oregon had a big problem (several of them actually) on his hands.  First of all, [click to continue…]

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