Image by tcd123usa via Flickr

Not only was Donald Wolfe drunk and stupid, he apparently was an extreme animal lover. Pennsylvania police arrested Wolfe after he was seen along a highway trying to resuscitate a dead possum.

The Punxsutawney state police said that several people witnessed the 55 year old Wolfe trying to bring the roadkill back to life.  It is not clear at this time exactly what the method was that he was using to try to revive the possum (CPR, defribrillater – I’m guessing there was mouth to mouth contact happening here).

Most likely, he was so drunk that he thought he spotted local celebrity ‘Punxsutawney Phil’ along the road – he was just doing what any good citizen would do.

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Douglas Brian Osborne was not the brightest criminal (just your average stupid criminal).  He thought that it would be a good ‘money-making plan’ (literally) if he bought a printer at Wally-World and started photocopying $5, $10 and $20 bills.

The first time he tried to use his newly made cash, the clerk at the counter recognized the bill as phony.  Osborne quickly apologized (hey, that could happen to anyone – right?) and had to pull-out some real money to pay for his merchandise.

A few minutes later, Osborne bought a pack of cigarettes with a fake $20 at a grocery store (which most likely employs people not familiar with U.S. currency).  At some point, someone caught-on to his game and when police caught up with him $5, $10 and $20 counterfeit bills were found in his left front pocket, totaling $150.

When his car was searched, officers found $260 in counterfeit $20s in the driver’s side door pocket.

Osborne was charged with two counts of using counterfeit money, along with one count each of possession of counterfeit money with intent to use it, possession of a device to make counterfeit money … and resisting arrest (the moron tried to run away from the cops when they were taking him to the patrol car.

Source:  http://suwanneedemocrat.com/homepage/x449493292/O-Brien-man-made-his-own-money-say-police

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Debra Oberlin – the former president of the Gainesville, Florida MADD (Mothers against drunk driving) was arrested with driving drunk.  The 48 year old Oberlin registered a .234 and .239 on breath alcohol tests when Florida’s legal limit for driving is .08 – three times the legal limit.

She was spotted by police on February 18th a little after 1 am.  Her car was swerving and crossing lanes and when she was pulled over and got out of her car, the smell of alcohol and her blood shot eyes gave it away.

Gainesville’s MADD chapter existed for several years in the 1990s before closing in 1996 because of lack of financial support (and more importantly – lack of leadership).

Ohio State Police – Impaired Driving Myths – Myth 1 – Alcohol is a …

Fact: Many people believe that by driving more slowly, they can compensate for being impaired. The truth is, drunk drivers are dangerous at any speed. Myth: All I have to do is splash my face with cold water. …

Publish Date: 03/07/2011 12:08

http://www.drunkdrivingfacts.net/drinking-and-driving/ohio-state-police-impaired-driving-myths-myth-1-alcohol-is-a-stimulant

DUI reform could cost Kansas up to $10 million – Kansas City Star …

DUI reform could cost Kansas up to $10 million Kansas City Star AP TOPEKA | Some Kansas lawmakers are having sticker shock over the cost of proposed.

Publish Date: 03/07/2011 15:01

http://www.forum.drinkdriving.org/drunk-driving-dui-latest-news/26555.htm

Braylon Edwards in Manhattan Court For Drunk Driving Charge — The …

Jets wide receiver Braylon Edwards made a brief appearance in Manhattan criminal court this morning in an attempt to get his September 2010 drunk driving arrest tossed. The 28-year-old free agent told reporters he still wants to play …

Publish Date: 03/07/2011 12:56

http://www.theblackurbantimes.com/2011/03/07/braylon-edwards-in-manhattan-court-for-drunk-driving-charge/

Image via Wikipedia

A dumb criminal decided to dress in a buff color (I guess you’d call it “naked color”) instead of the usual burglar attire of black when he was caught on video stealing sausage from the kitchen of a retirement home.

Mariners Cove, a retirement home located in Fort Myers, Florida is where surveillance video shows a completely naked man stealing the sausage (that was intended for a pancake breakfast) from the community room.

Apparently, the streaking burglar got in through an unlocked door and police used the video to track down and arrest the 35 year old moron.

Source : http://www.wane.com/dpps/news/strange/video-captures-nude-man-stealing-meat-ob11-jgr_3722368

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A young and stupid criminal named Corey Christian Adams from West Chester, PA gave a drunk and passed-out woman a ride home.  Thinking that he had the perfect opportunity to “get himself a little action” . . . he took the woman to her home – that’s when she woke-up to find Adams cutting her pants off with a knife.

Adams ignored her requests to stop raping her and when the crime was finished, she immediately called police.  The stupid moron thought that he could just have her killed to avoid any trouble with the law – so he did what any normal idiot would do:  he posted a job offer on Facebook for someone to kill her for $500 bucks!

The victim spotted the status update on Facebook and showed it to police while reporting the incident.  After they had her to call Adams to ask him why he did it, he again went right to Facebook and made the following post on his account:

“I need this girl knocked off right now.”

He now faces 11 to 22 years in prison after agreeing to a plea agreement on charges he used Facebook to try to hire a hit man to kill.

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I’m always amused when stupid criminals give themselves away – especially when they’re dumb enough to dial 911.  I read a story today from our friends at the Huffington Post about a 21 year old moron from Farmington, Connecticut named Robert Michelson who called 911 to ask how much trouble he could get into for his pot plant.

When the 911 operator asked Michelson if the call was life-threatening or if a crime was in progress, he responded by saying, “Possibly a crime in progress”.  Of course he was calling from his home phone so it didn’t take long for the narcotics officers to show up at his house to find paraphernalia his pot plant.

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Image by The Consumerist via Flickr

Our friends at AllWeirdNews.com, posted a short story today  – basically trying to figure-out whether it was a stupid criminal or stupid employee in this particular incident.  An employee at a McDonalds restaurant accepted a counterfeit (obviously) four dollar bill from a customer.

My answer to the “stupid” question would be this – they’re both stupid!  The customer was crazy-stupid to think that he could get away with it and the employee was crazy-stupid to actually accept it!

Most people rip on McDonalds employees – not me, I think they’re some of the most important people in society.  What would we do if we couldn’t obtain a fast nutritious meal consisting of a BigMac, Coke and fries (only 1130 calories for the medium!)?

Mais Oui! A Goat Cheese Burger from McDonald’s | ?urger?usiness

McDonald’s in France introduced a burger topped with goat cheese, a first, as well as burgers with Cantal or Bleu cheese.

Publish Date: 02/02/2011 16:21

http://www.burgerbusiness.com/?p=6572

Brazilian Legends Reliving The McDonald’s Commercial Glory Days …

Back in the early 90′s, McDonald’s had an epic ad campaign featuring basketball superstars Micha.

Publish Date: 02/01/2011 21:00

http://www.theoffside.com/world-football/brazilian-legends-reliving-the-mcdonalds-commercial-glory-days-ronaldos-obviously-involved.html

VPR News: McDonald’s Begins Offering Real Maple Product, But Only …

The fast food chain McDonald’s has agreed to abide by Vermont’s strict law requiring that any products claiming to contain “maple” use the real stuff — not cheaper imitation flavoring.&nbs.

Publish Date: 02/01/2011 17:50

http://www.vpr.net/news_detail/89911/

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In an “arson-for-hire” case, this stupid criminal left behind the tip of his finger for investigators to find.  His finger was found inside of a latex glove while officers were looking through the remains of a fire in Titusville, Florida.

When police caught-up with the owner of the finger at a local hospital, 24-year-old Ismael Ortiz, quickly confessed to the arson and said that he was hired to burn the place down by a resident of the apartment so he could collect renters insurance.

Apparently while trying to flee after setting the fire, he slammed his finger in the door and it cut the tip of his finger off. Good work buddy!

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A stupid (and drunk) criminal in Wilmington, Delaware had to call 911 to have the cops free him from the house he broke into.  I guess I should clarify a bit – he was stupid when he broke into the home, and got drunk while inside it!

That’s right, when 44 year old John Finch broke into a home back in April – it inspired the homeowner to change all the locks so that a key was necessary – even from the inside.  When he broke into the home again this past week (while no one was home), Finch stayed there for a couple days  – drinking three bottles of gin and two bottles of whiskey.

When he tried to leave, he was too drunk to climb back out of the window he came in from.  So he did what any sensible person would do when they’re in trouble – call 911!

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Most stupid criminals still have enough cells in their heads to know that it might be a good idea to hide their face during their crooked activities.  Some wear a ski mask and some use other cleaver ways to disguise themselves – this moron takes the the stupid crown this week:

Our buddies at ocweekly tell the story of a ineffective robber whose normal dumb behavior was to attempt his bumbling crimes by wearing a see-though plastic bag on his head.

During one of his hold-ups at a Wendy’s drive-thru, the employee just shut the window and walked away after not taking the guy seriously.

Again at another time, the guy tried another unsuccessful “plastic bag on the head” robbery at a Jack-In-The-Box.  The police were called and while on the way to the scene of the attempted crime, a police officer spotted the dumb dude (complete with bag on the head) walking into the gas station.

Yes, if your wondering – he got caught this time!

Police charged David Brian Mattson, with 12 attempted robberies and–get this–a single successful one!

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